CNF: My confession

I am in love and insane.
I wonder the “what if’s” and “why’s” of the world.
I hear the beat of my lover’s heart pulsating beneath my ear.
I see his circumspect smile flash when I peck a kiss to his nose sprinkled with freckles.
I want to grow old with him in the Victorian house on 100th street.
I am in love and insane.

I pretend I don’t possess the past I know I do.
I feel the desolation of pure love.
I touch his lips gingerly with mine as he slumbers.
I worry I’m not sweet enough, caring enough, or gentle enough for him.
I cry when eyes close, and lights dim--when I am alone at dusk.
I am in love and insane.

I understand that everyone is blessed with flaws that make them perfect.
I say “Nothing is wrong. I’m okay.”
I dream of the prospective future with the love of my life.
I try to be an adequate friend, girlfriend, daughter, aunt, and Christian.
I hope I can truly smile everyday, someday.
I am in love and insane.

I wish I could change the world, make everyone happy.
I hide my misery.
I lie to protect.
I pray for my enemies.
I am in love and insane.

I sing as boisterous as I can.
I speak the truth.
I think the world and its occupiers are corrupt but beautiful.
I believe in God and his love.
I am in love and insane.

I accept diversity.
I admire my grandmother and her strength of will.
I admit I miss my great grandpa Criswell even after six years of him being gone.
I avoid judgment and terror.
I am in love and insane.

I apologize for my mistakes.
I battle depression and memories.
I change nothing for oppressors.
I deserve what I give.
I am in love and insane.

I challenge opinions.
I destroy my own confidence.
I fail at consistency.
I force myself to grin and laugh.
I am in love and insane.

I fear guns, love, rape, and loneliness.
I hate wrong-doings.
I ignore gossip and chit-chat.
I imagine a better, more accepting world.
I am in love and insane.