CNF: Earphones come to life

My earphones come to life:

Okay seriously? Why do you always just toss me around? I’m just as important as that d*amn iPod you tote around with you everywhere. I am the only way you can even hear your music in public without disturbin’ the peace and irritating the strangers around you so how come you just chomp down on me but you don’t nibble on that stupid gadget?

HUH?

I may cost less and be replaceable but I give you privacy and peace of mind by blasting your ridiculous heavy metal and vicious screamo. Plus when you drop me I don’t shatter like some fragile piece of sh*t iPod, NO, know why? Because I am gooey and flexible. And you don’t have to go out and spend hundreds on the new “upgraded” me. AND I am just simply prettier. I come in every single f*cking color and design you can conjure up in that pitiful, idiotic, pea-sized brain of yours. I’m like a chameleon in the mother-f*cking Amazon b*tch, I’m made this way unlike the iPod you so coddle and cherish who of which you would have to go out and buy plastic, cheaply made, UGLY covers to disguise their hideous asses.

OH! And even BETTER I don’t just have ONE purpose. Nope, you can use me in more ways than a slutty prom queen behind the dumpsters. THAT’S RIGHT. You can use me to choke your enemies. Just wrap me around tight and squeeze the little bastard and presto! I’m even more fantastic as a weapon. I could work for the f*cking mob boss and be an assassin if I wanted to but nooooooooooooooooo I have to stay here and keep you entertained with your unintelligible, moronic music. No, you know what?

F*CK THIS.

I’m going to go throttle the nasty-ass country-hick breath from Hannah Montana. See ya lata suckaaaa~!